Fantasies, Frustration and other F-words
Here comes another one of those way-too-personal posts. Writing stuff makes me feel better sometimes. Enjoy, or whatever it is you folks do with my brutal honesty. Please don't tell me things could be worse. I know things could be worse.
I think I want to live in Murano.
Maybe someday, in the distant future. Maybe sometime soon. Hell, maybe even tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it a lot this past week. Suddenly, the idea of living on a little island, where everything and everyone is all about glass, seems more appealing than ever. But it's more than that. I find myself craving the peaceful, quiet atmosphere; brought on by the lack of motor vehicles, or by the way everything closes down at night, or possibly just because of the glass - with so much glass around, how could things not be peaceful and quiet? Sure, I've been referring to it as "Glass Fantasy Land", but it's not - it's not a fantasy land. It's not really just an amusement park or a Disneyland for glass enthusiasts. Real people actually live real lives there. Honestly, I saw them with my own eyes. Why couldn't I be one of them?
I have no idea if there would ever be any way for me to pull that off.
I'm just feeling so disconnected lately. I find myself walking through the streets of this city - only when I absolutely have to - looking around, observing, soaking in the noise and the humidity and not really liking anything I see. Tel Aviv is far from being the most beautiful city in the world, but it does have its sweet spots. There are vast beaches and even a few parks. It's spring now, and everything is in bloom. There is interesting architecture in some places, if you look closely. There are museums and art galleries. There's good food - any kind you could possibly crave (lots of the vegetarian kind, even). There's always a lot going on, at just about any hour of the day. It's probably a cool place to be if you're a tourist, or if you're not a hermit. But somehow, none of this makes me feel any kind of desire to step outside my home. I'll do it, if I absolutely have to.
I'm not depressed. It's not a weird hermit thing. I know it's a drastic thing to say, but I just feel like I don't belong here anymore.
While I was in Italy, a couple of people asked the inevitable question: "what is it like, living in Israel?"
I was somewhat surprised to discover that I had to force myself to come up with some kind of answer that wouldn't make me sound like an idiot (hey, let's talk about GLASS!). What IS it like, living in Israel? I'm not entirely sure. Sometimes I feel like I don't even live in Israel. I live in a little country called Sarahland. It's a place with its own rules and regulations, and obviously - its own time zone. Population: one. Two, if you count Moby (you should). Nothing I do in my life has anything to do whatsoever with whatever is happening outside these walls. If Sarahland had its own postal service and its own supermarket, there would never be any real need to cross the border.
Israel? Yeah, it's out there. The Passover holiday, which went on last week, totally passed me by (I had a supply of bread in the freezer. I don't eat cardboard). While everyone else seemed to be caught up in the holiday spirit, cooking feasts, buying gifts, doing the traditional spring cleaning, I just wanted to be here making beads (spring cleaning? Yeah right). I honestly couldn't care less about this kind of thing. I don't care about the politics. I know you're supposed to, especially when you live in a place like this, but I just don't. My morals and ideals are elsewhere. Besides those, there are very few things I actually care about that aren't made out of glass. There are so few people I actually feel close to in real life. What am I doing here? I'm not sure if I know how to answer that anymore.
Add all the financial troubles to that, and I just can't help feeling resent. The dollar rate. Fuck the stupid dollar. It is really making my life much more difficult than it needs to be. Back when the exchange rate was high, landlords always charged rent in dollars - meaning, as the rate went up (which it always did), they'd make more money. Do they make less money if the rate goes down? But of course not. Over the past year, almost all rental contracts in Tel Aviv have changed to shekels. For me personally, as my income is in dollars, this means a 50% increase to what I used to pay (and counting). There's nothing anyone can do about it, but sit back and let the rich get richer. And then come the taxes. Fuck taxes. This country makes you pay so many different taxes that I can't even keep track of them all. It's like you have this bucket, and you're supposed to fill it with water, but there's an irreparable hole in the bottom and nothing will ever stop the water from dripping away. All you can do is run around like crazy, trying to get more water from wherever you can, so you don't find yourself completely dried out.
This country lends no support whatsoever to small businesses. I should know; I've had two pretty successful ones. The basic approach is, if you're small, you're going to get screwed - deal with it. I mean, let's face it - I bring a lot of money into this country, for one person. I'm an artist who tries to represent this country with pride (well, not at the moment, but generally, I do). I'm a productive member of this society that I don't exactly live in. I even served in the freaking army for two years, way back when. You'd think that maybe once in a while - not often, just like once every five or ten years or so - I'd get a break. Just a nice pat on the back or something, instead of constant demands to pay more and more taxes. Some kind of appreciation, from someone, somewhere? Anything? Anyone? Nah. No one ever gets that. It's not like I'm actually expecting it or anything.
So, fuck the government. Artistic appreciation? Yeah, I get tons of that. People sometimes talk about me on forums and such, and I get really nice e-mails every now and then. A couple of weeks ago, at my local glass supplier, I voluntarily explained the mysteries of EDP to a confused beginner beadmaker who stared at me in total awe. Are YOU the one with that website? Yeah, that's me. I'm the one with that website.
That website and I have been making beads in Israel for two and a half years. Last year, there was a double-spread article, all about me, in one of the country's most popular newspapers. You don't get much more free publicity than that. Want to know how many people I have actually sold beads to, in Israel? Five. Five, and one of them was my mother. Want to know how many angry e-mails I have received, from various Israelis demanding to know how I have the nerve to charge so much money for "just one bead" - or expressing their objection to the fact that if they wanted a bead they'd have to order it online like everybody else? Lots. Want to know how many stupid e-mails I have received from idiot macho guys, along the lines of "let's go out for coffee baby, I am obviously a total idiot but I know exactly what you need to improve your business"? You don't want to know. Trust me. And people sometimes wonder why I don't try to sell my creations to local bead shops.
I'm not angry at anyone or anything in particular. I know it's nothing personal against me - it's just the way things are here. It's the way people are. It's the way everything is. That's what it's like, living in Israel.
I think I want to live in Murano.
I can only imagine what that would be like. I know it's not a perfect fantasy land. I'm sure the charm wears off after a while - you can't feel like a tourist forever. I'm sure there are many things there that could potentially get on one's nerves. I'm sure you have to pay taxes in Italy. But just the thought, of being truly surrounded by what I truly love... being able to discuss it with just about any random person on the street... I think that would make life so much better.
Hey, I can fantasize, right?
Here's what I say, Sarah. Go for it. Contact your friends there and have them check out rental places. Ask them about taxes. Check out how much it would cost you to move. And what kind of restrictions would affect Moby, if any.
As far as we know, we only live once. Why shouldn't we live our best life? If you have no one counting on you in Israel, do it. There are always airplanes to bring you back for visits or if you change your mind.
You can run your business from anywhere..why not Murano? You already have developed relationships there so you're a step ahead of lots of others who move there.
I'm sure you'll get lots of other comments for the "other" side but...if that's where you want to be and you can work it all out...I hope you go!
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Ok, i do not know how long i can write on the comment page but i want to say something about your desire to live in Murano. Ever since you got back from there and you posted the pics, the A-Z thingy, I fell in love with Murano too! It seems that the people you were around felt the same as you. I think the things that we lack in life sometimes are a true understanding from someone of our passion for something like glass. Just the thought of glass washing up was enough to make me shiver!! Ha! So, with that said, I think you should do it! I am a person that believes that you feel it in your bones when you need to change and the way you spent all of the time describing your life, you are the passion surrounded by blahville passing you by! If i were you and contemplating this i would sell everything you could to make some money and not have to travel with furniture and stuff (except Moby of course)! I would wait to get enough money to leave that place, get on a plane and have one two months rent! Start over, and you know what, you can then have classes more frequently for us western people who want to share in your passion. I even have a wonderful idea, you could learn to churn butter and bring a sense of awe to the people of Murano/Burano with your talent. There would never again be a restaurant without butter!!!! lol! You could even live in Burano and paint your house the color of a gorgeous struck silver glass with clear bubbles around the door "SARAHLAND"!!! Of course your clothing would have to match, maybe cool tie-die in blue/aqua tones to match the silver glass tone of your home. You would have to get a bigger jar though! The funny thing is, i am not joking, this is soooo sincere!!! Ok, i am rambling but that is just so freakin exciting to hear you even thinking about that, it is so much fun to have epiphanys and think of ourselves and our lives. We are never too old to figure out where we want to be when we grow up!!!! Peace,
steph
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I'm just a random gal in California - but I think, if where you live is not making you happy, then you should live somewhere else. If Italy is it, go there.
However, as for the practical aspects, Europe in general and Italy in particular can be a pain in the butt as far as bureaucracy, paperwork, taxes, and all that goes. Getting a residency and/or work visa can be a big issue for US citizens trying to live in Europe; I don't know if it's easier or harder for Israelis. And, of course, the dollar's woes are affecting the Euro exchange rate as well.
There's a woman living in Florence, an American web developer, who went there for a visit and is now making her life there. Her blog is here: http://www.melindagallo.com/blog/ - you could get in touch with her and ask about how she got through all the paperwork.
Just a thought, but if your primary requirements are a decent climate, peace and quiet, no exchange rate issues, and access to basic supplies, then there's always America itself. The cost of living in big cities like NY is as bad as Tel Aviv (or worse) but there's plenty of other parts of the country that might fit the bill.
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No timelikenowtotryit
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Hi Sarah,
Long time reader of your blog, first time posting :> If you are that unhappy in Israel you should really take Susan's advice and see about moving to Murano. I'm sure it can be done. Might not be easy but so what. You only have one life to live and it should be the life you want it to be. Just because you wound up being born in Israel doesn't mean you have to be stuck there.
If that doesn't work try checking out moving to the States. We are pretty cool over here :>
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three steps.....
one, get moby all his shots - and check the rules about getting him into europe..
two, call me (i'll call the others) and we'll find you an apartment
three, pack and leave.....
if we can run a glass supply business from a barn in Belgium, you can run a glass studio in murano...
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sarah, i perfectly agree with susan. you must do things you would like to do. regarding taxes, however, i do not think italy would be better than israel
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Sarah, life is too short to be unhappy. Believe me, I just walked out on an 8 yr relationship because at the end of the day it was making me miserable beyond belief. He had the money and all those trappings and we had our share of good times, but his anger and verbal abuse towards me (for no reason) finally drove me away. I am saying all this to you because even though our situations are different, it takes an incredible amount of courage to go for it and close one door with the hopes of opening another. Ultimately, you have to go with your gut feelings and trust yourself to make a beautiful future for yourself in the place you want to be. If you truly feel this way --deep down in your gut -- the feeling isn't going to go away and left to fester, it will only cause heartache and pain. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do, but don't be afraid. It's the fear that holds us back, but look at it as a wonderful adventure - your life! That's what I am doing and it FEELS SO GOOD!
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On the one hand, I agree with Susan. On the other hand, I agree with lux. On the other hand, you have many friends like Q, who are willing to help you get started.
Do your research. Taxes should only an issue if you're on the radar. As an independent artist without a work visa, you can pretty much escape paying taxes, because technically you not supposed to be working in Italy, at a ll. It is a royal pain to get that kind of clearance. Mind you, I am not advising you to break the law, though many expats do.
Since you know English, teaching English to the locals is also an option, but that would be getting away from your goals, though only for a short while.
My wife and I plan to go to Europe for an extended stay, if I can get everything in place, when all the kids move out, but that's another story.
You only live once, kiddo! You're young, single with cat, and you don't sound like you would have too much baggage. Go for it! If not Italy, anywhere else in Europe (or the U.S.), with a hospitable environment and like-minded souls around you. You have met many in the last few months.
p.s. Once you're there, maybe you can charge Euros instead of dollars.
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Here are some other Italy expat sites to look at :
Expat
http://2baci.blogspot.com/
http://www.goabbeyroad.com/
http://stelleinitalia.blogspot.com/
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/blogs/carole/">http://www.expatsinitaly.com/blogs/carole/
http://americaninitaly.blogspot.com/
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/blog/barb/">http://www.expatsinitaly.com/blog/barb/
http://www.baurbb.com/wordpress/
http://www.beeweeb.com/mwt/
http://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/E/Gazetteer/Places/Europe/Italy/home.html
http://bleedingespresso-sognatrice.blogspot.com/
http://www.expat-blog.com/en/directory/western-europe/italy/">http://www.expat-blog.com/en/directory/western-europe/italy/
http://www.dreamofitaly.com/public/42.cfm
http://www.shirlitalia.blogspot.com/
http://www.british-expats.com/
http://www.janeandken.blogspot.com/
http://chocolateandzucchini.com/
http://www.davidlebovitz.com/
http://expatsinitaly.com/annika/
http://emelieinrome.blogspot.com/
http://www.escapeartist.com/media6/media6.htm
http://eurobimbo.vonbarkenhagen.com/
http://www.johnandluisa.blogspot.com/
http://www.expat-blog.com/
http://www.expatexchange.com/
http://www.expatriateliving.com/
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/
http://www.ferroviedellostato.it/
http://www.giraitalia.it/
http://italymag.co.uk/
http://jeffinpuglia.blogspot.com/
http://kataroma.blogspot.com/
http://kzintoscana.blogspot.com/
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/cristina/
http://averyinrome.blogspot.com/
http://alyson-lifeinthecityofflowers.blogspot.com/index.html
http://www.lib.unc.edu/rbc/french_expatriates/paris.html
http://www.livecheapmakeart.blogspot.com/
http://www.melindagallo.com/blog/
http://www.escapeartist.com/italy/italy.html
http://lucullian.blogspot.com/
http://www.meteo.it/
http://back2thebeginning.blogspot.com/
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/giovanna/
http://michellanea.blogspot.com/
http://mylifeitalian.blogspot.com/
http://karenuccia.blogspot.com/
http://www.divinacucina.blogspot.com/
http://expatsinitaly.com/tina/
http://ambracelesteintorino.blogspot.com/
http://reboot-anewlifeinitaly.blogspot.com/index.html
http://nikinpos.blogspot.com/
http://travelingmcmahans.wordpress.com/
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/blogs/joanna/
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/judith/
http://www.tuscanhouse.com/
http://www.expatriateliterarycircle.com/
http://www.viamichelin.com/viamichelin/int/tpl/hme/MaHomePage.htm
http://wanderingitaly.com/blog/
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it is not a fantasy because it can easily become a reality. its not that hard to pack up and leave, you'd be amazed how easy it is to move. you have the skills to survive anywhere. why not set yourself a year "shabbaton" in Murano and see how it goes. Don't let fears come in your way. you are young, free and talented. pack moby and the hh and go !
contact me if you want help in the hows and whys, I've done it many times (lived in Australia, London, Istanbul)....
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Did some further checking.
"Living and working in France"
http://www.survivalbooks.net/product_info.php?products_id=33
"Living and working in Italy"
http://www.survivalbooks.net/product_info.php?products_id=37
http://italyexpat.blogspot.com/2007/03/immigrant-papers-and-more-papers.html
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/site_menu.html
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/bookexcerpt/forward.html
http://www.expatsinitaly.com/bookexcerpt/self.html (self-employment - read this last item carefully).
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Wow
with worldwide friends like these you are truly fortunate. All of the above more than covers anything I could add. I love Q's succinct advice! Go for it Sarah - the place & atmosphere sound incredible - you are bound to flourish (even more)in such beautiful surroundings. I envy you and wish you well.
ps can non-beaders (but beadaholics) attend your talk in the UK?? (please?)
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Absolutely! You should come to the festival, Chris! That would be awesome!
http://www.ifg.org.uk/
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I think it's a good thing to try. You can always come back "home" if things do not go as you wish in Italy.
On the other hand, I don't think you'll pay less tax in Italy, and as you said, it will only be a matter of time untill you discover the flaws of Murano.
But as the Butthole Surfers used to say (Beware:Cliche!) - I'ts better to regret something you did, then something you didn't do.
Good luck girl.
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one of murano's flaws is that after 7pm absolutely nothing goes on there. i've been there several times and know what i'm writing about. there are periods when you won't even find a place where to have drink after that hour.
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Yep... I have noticed that...
But hey, nobody's perfect.
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that's true. and venice is nearby.
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Thanks for all your comments guys... I have much to think about (and much reading material).
For the record - I wasn't born here, I was made in USA. I could live there if I wanted to (got dual citizenship). As of now, I don't really.
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Have you got your ticket yet? Life's too short, Sarah, go for it !! You won't know if it's for you unless you try.....
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...or, if you chicken out of moving to Murano (too much bureaucracy or something), you can always set up Sarahland somewhere in the Galil or Negev. There's really no reason to live in filthy, expensive Tel-Aviv. I'm told there's a supermarket and post office in Arad, too.
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Hey, Sarah! My goal has been to live anywhere BUT the US. So, I'm working on HK. I wish I could do it as a self-supporting artist. I know there are few islands there that are all about art. Ex-pats who've settled there to live.
Murano looks gorgeous. And if they live and breathe glass? Who wouldn't want to go! Pay attention to Q! I'm sure he can help. I would think it's a little easier since you're self-employed. You wouldn't necessarily need a work visa, right? I'm not sure. Plus, you should start charging by the Euro.
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As far as living in the US goes, there is no comparison between here and Italy. Sure, there are lots of areas in California that can get you believing for a brief moment that you are in Italy. But as far as glass goes, you'd have to live in the Pacific Northwest to be around the majority of glassy people. Neither of these places are inexpensive to live. So, if you are thinking about Murano... I say why not?!!
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Hi Sarah, so much great advice here, I can't add anything to that. Just a big hug from me, and cheers for the hermit way of life. I know -together with my 2 kitties.
Best wishes, and know there are people rooting for you even if you don't hear them.
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Dear Sarah, I've just read your last post and felt I had to comment. You go for it. You only have one life and you have to follow your heart ...... to a degree.
I added that last bit just to temper my encouragement with some realism. I'm sure you appreciate this but no matter how gorgeous a place is to live, or appears to be on the surface, nowhere is perfect. We all pay taxes, some of us more than others, so you won't escape that but if you're searching for somewhere with a like-minded spirit and think you could have found it, you go for it.
Unfortunately even the most beautiful places (my part of England is just that), also come with petty-minded, jealous people. Therefore you probably won’t escape the nasty emails or forum comments (if there are any); may still feel isolated working alone (because it can be isolating); will probably have days when the muse doesn’t come, days when the money doesn’t come and may even have days when you feel desperately homesick. If you can remember this but still need to do it, let no-one hold you back. I wish you luck and if you’re ever in London and in need of a comfy bed nearby, give us a call!
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